Sunday, August 29, 2021

Back Doubt

I've been struggling with doubt recently.  Doubt as to whether I deserve or require the upcoming shot in my back.  Over time the pain has gotten better since the last shot, and my pain varies throughout the day and depending on my activities.  One morning I can be hoping the date comes quickly, and that evening I can be filled with self doubt about even needing a shot.  This is different than in the past.  This is the least pain I've had before a shot, compared to the several other shots I've had, which has been different for me, and sometimes troubling in this way.  But I've also had the good pain pills all this time, as I have in the past, as well.

This weekend I've been doing a little experiment, I've done everything as I would have normally but without the pain medication.  Now, I've tried to not take them much anyway, but usually end up taking at least one and, more often than not, two a day.  An opioid called Percocet, Vicodin, or just Oxycodone.  It's been super hot lately, yesterday was over 90ºF but feeling like 100ºF with high humidity, but slightly better today so I was determined to walk to go out for lunch.  It's a little less than a mile to the Harmony Bar and Grill, one way.  A good walk, almost all bike path, and only takes about 15-18 minutes, depending, but the walk back was quite a bit more painful and slow than the walk there.

I mentioned in the comments for the last post how if you view it as 3 levels - surgery, shot, and live with it - that I would be toward the bottom of the shot level, and I still think that's true.  But my little experiment this weekend has given me the confidence that I am not doing this frivolously, it just happens to be the lowest level I've been at before undergoing this procedure.  For some reason I just feel a little guilty that I'm not in more pain, or as much as I have been in before.

This is good for me to realize and I'm glad I did this.  Now I'm going to take that damn pill.

6 comments:

Blue Witch said...

I guess the question is, what is the long-term effect of each option?

Which is the least damaging to other organs of your body, painkillers or whatever it is they inject into you?

Scoakat said...

Yes, if I had to live with it then it wouldn't be on painkillers. And then for how long until it gets worse and I go through the last few months all over again? It would be like starting over. Just the fact that I need painkillers presently should be my short answer.

This showed me that yes, I need to do this again for my own well-being. It was good to re-think it all through, though. A benefit of self-doubt, in this situation.

Blue Witch said...

It is also true that perception of pain alters over time and situations. And that the more drugs one takes, the more one needs, to achieve the same effect..

Scoakat said...

Of course, which is why I try to limit how many I take and do not want to stay on them.

delcatto said...

I would also factor in the seasons and activity levels and I'd probably;y go with the shot. With winter coming up, colder and being less active can have effect the back pain. Is it better if the weather is warmer and you are able to do some very gentle exercise movements?
We had this discussion at work this week because a former colleague who has moved to another team has now had two surgeries but is again off sick for related reasons. He said summer is better but he thought it was perception, being out in the garden in the sunshine helped as he pottered gently around the garden when he could.
I can certainly understand as I try to limit how much pain relief I take for my back and knee and I always feel an achievement when I go a day or two without any pain tablets.As BW said, it is a balancing act and not an easy one.
Hopefully the shot will do its work and you can feel some relief.

Scoakat said...

It is true I have been more active this summer due to this, and I think it's helped. I've mostly avoided the bike but have taken walks of various lengths every single day, weather permitting, and sometimes twice.

In winter it will be more difficult to do as often, especially when it becomes so very cold, but I hope to continue walking when I can. We also have a recumbent exercise bike downstairs I can use, though I do prefer walking. Otherwise, I continue with my planking exercises daily.

In fact, this exercise all summer and especially the last couple months partly contributed to this self-doubt I had as I credit it with the improvement I've seen. (Though it hasn't really helped me lose any weight yet, unfortunately.)

Yes, less pills the better. I'm confident this next shot will help me get over this last hurdle, hopefully for good (ha!) or at least several more years. Thank you, delcatto.